Writing would be easier if…

You don’t have to read many books on the craft, be they memoir or how-to, to find out writing is hard work. And it is. As a married man with five young children and a full-time job I sometimes envy the amount of time the full-time authors devote to their work. (That sounded bad; I wouldn’t trade my life with one of them, but I think you know what I’m getting at.) Other priorities competing for our time is just one of the myriad obstacles a writer must conquer to get the job done. Which got me thinking…

Writing would be easier if:

  • I didn’t need sleep
  • The internet weren’t to my time what a black hole is to light
  • My writing was grammatically perfect as if flowed through my fingers
  • I could spell
  • I didn’t enjoy movies so much
  • I always knew exactly what I wanted to write exactly when I woke up
  • Other authors hadn’t written such compelling books (I’ve finally updated my 2013 Bookshelf if you’re interested)
  • I didn’t blog (I’m pretty sure that’s irony, but the fact that I’m not absolutely certain is another reason writing is hard)
  • I could finish writing entire books in one sitting
  • Or at least an entire chapter
  • I wasn’t concerned with marketing or selling my books (Number two will be out in less than two months)
  • Had more confidence
  • Every day was rainy
  • It didn’t sometimes feel like work
  • Everybody loved what I create
  • I didn’t care if it was done well… or good… or maybe it is well, I don’t know (Okay, that’s another one)
  • My computer would beep, or say, “Atta boy!” or maybe shed a tear whenever I crafted an excellent sentence.
  • And would intuitively know when I finished a book and instantly play the Hallelujah Chorus
  • I hated Facebook
  • There weren’t a swarm of idea bandits living between my brain and my fingertips (I’m convinced they can fly and are somehow related to Swiper the Fox)
  • The eloquence I imagined in my head looked the same when that idea appeared on the screen
  • My ideas had better timing, instead of popping up at 3:00 AM, or while I’m upside down on a roller coaster, or when I’m throwing my kids in a pool, or when I have nothing to write with or on, and for a moment it’s as if mankind hasn’t invented said technology because there is nothing to be found for miles, and by the time I do find a bit of charcoal and a bubble gum wrapper, an idea bandit swoops in and flies away with my thought, laughing like the Wicked Witch of the West. I hate those guys.
  • Did I mention comma rules? Because I have no idea, where to put commas, so I just guess, and hope one of my proofreaders fixes, all my mistakes,

What about you? What would you add to this list?

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One comment

  1. …If my blog site was WORKING and allowing me to make posts
    – If I wasn’t so concerned about what people thought about me
    – If those quiet moments were slowed down instead of sped up
    – If my fingers weren’t lisdexic
    – If I could plug my computer into my brain and just download the information brewing there
    – If I didn’t SO need a nap many days during “quiet hour”
    – If we wore disposable clothing, and used disposable dishes (goodbye Earth)
    -If I didn’t spend so much time trying to craft witty comments on other people’s blog- HAHAHA!

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